Vivid and bright

Today I read something that really struck a cord with me. I’m currently reading”Strong looks better naked” by Khloe Kardashian. In her chapter about making the best of everything Khloe shares her Mantra “The soul becomes dyed with the color of our thoughts and I want to paint my soul in vivid and bright colors”.  I love this! I want my soul to be bright and vivid! If every choice I make is with positive thoughts and every action is out of love won’t that nurture my soul? If I do things that make me and everyone around myself happy will it not help my soul be bright and vivid? In a way I have been making small steps towards living this mantra without even knowing it!

I could feel my soul getting black and ugly. I was lashing out at people I care about. The weight of my responsibilities and obligations was getting to be too  much for me. I was not carving out time in this life to take care of myself. After being particularly nasty to my husband one day I realized that I needed to make a change. I started doing yoga. I don’t go to a studio or have an instructor. I simply watch YouTube videos at home. Performing this small act and taking some time for myself has done an incredible amount to lift my spirits. I feel alive and grounded. I don’t feel like a “firecracker with a short fuse” like I have been called in the past. I can’t speak for my husband but I don’t feel like I am releasing all of my stresses out on him anymore either.

I’m hoping my Yoga practice will hold me over until the weather warms and I can start my training outdoors. Once outside training starts I want to keep up my practice. I feel most connected to myself when doing Yoga. Maybe I will even graduate to leaving my home and doing Yoga in a studio someday! We will see….. I tend to be a little flighty like a bird. Bouncing from idea to idea.

“You cannot always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside” -Wayne Dyer

 

The soul becomes dyed with the color of our thoughts (3)

 

Current Stats: Reading 100 quiet moments, weight 266, trying to eat mostly paleo, doing yoga everyday, missing my boys, working too much.

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Dark Clouds

Strong walls shake but never collapse

Lost. Confused. Stagnant. Melancholy. Dark. Troubled. Frustrated.Struggling. Hopeful. Scared. Behind. Failing. Flailing. Falling.

And that is me…..

Let’s get real, even though I try to share only sunshine and roses me, there is a ravens and dark clouds me.

Life is hard. Really hard, especially lately. I can’t get back on track. I can’t move forward with anything. I’m facing a warped wall in all areas of my life. Trying to get up but just falling back down. I have this vision and nothing I do gets me closer. This vision also has blank spaces. Blank spaces that I don’t know how to fill. Which direction to go.

Maybe it’s the time of year. The fall is always hard. Too many losses, Sadness, and heartache. Maybe it’s the changing of the seasons and more darkness. I don’t know.

All I know is that I need some sunshine and roses.

Meh….

 

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