Today

Today I didn’t binge.  I’m not in bed so it could still happen. I resisted the urge several times today so hopefully if I hit a rough patch tonight I can resist. I almost binged today when I went to the grocery store. I had spent all day taking my mom to an appointment for her prosthesis. My baby Goobs was crazy all day. We went to the grocery store to pick things up for his sister’s birthday and he was even crazier yet! In my head I was battling over which junk food I would buy. Would I get Cadbury mini eggs, pb m&m’s, chips, popcorn, a diet coke? “What the heck, why not get them all?” Is what I thought. And then I remembered sitting down this morning and trying to figure out what triggers my binges. Stress, guilt, boredom, and anxiety are just what I could pinpoint from last night’s binge. I talked myself out of the junk food and instead I bought dole chocolate covered bananas. I had one, yes you read that right, one package of them when I got to the truck. I’m not cured but it’s a start. A tiny victory.

Nemesis

I’m writing this post because I want to share a non-scale victory and also reveal a secret I’ve been hiding for months.

These delightful little things are my nemesis. “What you eat in private you wear in public” is oh so true! Since I discovered these I have eaten 2 king size packages multiple times a week. I did this in private. Hiding away like a naughty child so that no one would know. I was so ASHAMED that I had to hide. Seriously what was wrong with me?! I know better than to punish my body by eating like that!

Wooh. I feel better now that I have confessed!

Needless to say I came out of the hold the sugar high had on me and decided I needed to detox. 

I allowed myself 2 pieces of the kids’ Halloween candy. Then I put the remainder in a low traffic area so I can’t see it regularly. If I saw it all the time there is no way I could resist. My willpower has been awful lately. After setting myself up for success; on Halloween I decided it was time to detox!

So I am currently 3 days candy free.It’s only 3 days but I know that I can keep it up. Admitting my secret was step 1. I don’t know what the other 11 are in this 12 step program but I’m sure I will figure it out along the way!

Monday

It’s Monday so today’s post is going to focus on two key words. Motivation and More. Both these things are weighing on my mind lately.

Motivation first. The last few months I have lacked so much motivation. I did so well to begin with that when my weight stopped coming off as fast, I got discouraged and was lackadaisical about my health even though I said I was trying, I really wasn’t. I have a week left before school starts back up, the holidays are over, and my gumption is back! I have worked out every day for 6 days. I feel like I am kicking butt (fingers crossed that the scale reflects that). My diet has been great too! Now to keep this up once school starts again. The key is to find non scale victories to keep me motivated. I’m training for the warrior dash and although I’m not as strong as someday I will be I feel stronger than I ever have before. I am getting such a fulfilling feeling from the work outs that I have done. It is amazing! My go to song at the gym now is….

I have no idea why but the song feels so uplifting to me. I feel like I can do absolutely anything I put my mind too.

Do any of you have anything Motivational to share? I worked out last night and was able to do 7 crunches on the Captain’s chair!

Now for the “More” part of this Monday. Lately I feel like I just need something more. I can’t quite place my finger on what it is exactly that I need. Maybe its many things that I need more of. I need More physical activity. Being cooped up in a room with no windows and sitting at a computer all day is wearing on me.

I need to get the things I love and the people I love to mesh more together. This new way of life isn’t a fad for me. I LOVE the way I feel. Healthy living is my life now and I want everything in my world focused around that.

I think basically for the first time in my life I expect more from my life. I believe that I can do great things and I want MORE. More adventure, excitement, warmth, joy, and life experiences.