Hate

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself.

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself. I feel sick. The last 2 days of exercise was undone in 5 minutes. I find what I did revolting and yet I still do it. Everyday. For most of my life. There was a 2 year reprieve when something flipped and I was normal for a while. Whatever changed is gone and something is wrong with me again. My heart hurts. My stomach hurts. All I want to do is cry. Why can’t I be normal again? Why does food have such power over me? I don’t want to be like this.

Darkness.

This is my life.

Make it stop again.

I feel powerless.

All the hard work I put in to lose all this weight just feels like a waste.

This self hate is what I experience everyday. Binge eating is my disease.

 

Health

“The food you eat can either be the safest and most powerful form of medicine, or the slowest form of poison.” -Ann Wigmore

“The food you eat can either be the safest and most powerful form of medicine, or the slowest form of poison.” -Ann Wigmore

I’m not sure if you have ever heard this quote before but I have and really never gave it too much thought.

Since about August I have been battling one sickness after the other. I have also been eating awful. I will eat really well for a few days then fall right back into old habits. A light went off and I realized that not treating my body right has left me susceptible to catching crap. This could also have something to do with the Baby Goobs being in daycare but honestly my body would be in a better place to fight this gunk if I was giving it the right nutrients.

When I was eating clean and healthy I was barely sick. No one is to blame but myself. Once you get off track it is very hard to get back on. I struggle just as much as the next person if not more lately.

Our bodies are complicated machines and run best when fueled with the proper nutrients. A diet that is high in processed foods leaves out many of the essential vitamins and minerals that our bodies need. Leaving our immune systems open to attack.

I’ve said it a million times…. I’m going to….blah blah blah and not followed through. Well no more I’m going to. I ate clean and healthy today up to this point. I have a clean and healthy dinner planned for tonight. I am eating clean and healthy. I will continue to eat clean and healthy. My willpower has not been very strong. So please if you see me falter say something to me. I need to be called out.