Hate

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself.

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself. I feel sick. The last 2 days of exercise was undone in 5 minutes. I find what I did revolting and yet I still do it. Everyday. For most of my life. There was a 2 year reprieve when something flipped and I was normal for a while. Whatever changed is gone and something is wrong with me again. My heart hurts. My stomach hurts. All I want to do is cry. Why can’t I be normal again? Why does food have such power over me? I don’t want to be like this.

Darkness.

This is my life.

Make it stop again.

I feel powerless.

All the hard work I put in to lose all this weight just feels like a waste.

This self hate is what I experience everyday. Binge eating is my disease.