Why I love running

  1. It’s free…. except for shoes and event fees.
  2. It increases my odds of out running a bear in the event of an attack.
  3. I don’t need child care.
  4. Endorphin’s, You’ve heard of a Runner’s High right? Need I say more?
  5. It helps me realize what my body is capable of.
  6. Running makes me a little harder to kidnap.
  7. I feel more confident when I’m consistently running.
  8. It kind of makes my butt look good.
  9. I can do it anywhere.
  10. I can take my toddler with me.
  11. I can work through things that are bothering me.
  12. Get’s me outdoors.
  13. Running helps me sleep better.

“One run can change your day. Many runs can change your life.” -Unkown

 

Currently: Still not losing weight, feeling good because I’m running again, reading the 7 habits of highly effective people, contemplating big life changes, excited to start classes in 15 days, planning my Herb garden, loving finding good sales on shoes. 

Benchmark

benchmark

noun

  1. A standard by which something can be measured or judged:
Read more at http://www.yourdictionary.com/benchmark#vcdiSLzL77R1AqqA.99

I ran my first race of the season. I almost quit because of someone’s actions. I have never had this feeling while running a race before. Normally I get smiles, waves, and encouragement. This time 2 people almost ruined for me something I love so much.

Let me give you the low down but first a disclaimer: I was in no way planning on winning this race. Anyway I was using my C25K app to run/walk my way through the 5k because let me be honest I am nowhere near ready to actually run a whole 5k. The race started out well. I was feeling really good. Then I noticed what was happening. I was being used as a benchmark. Which is okay. I get it. I’ve done it myself. I follow someone and know that I am doing well if I can keep pace with them. These 2 were not discrete at all and what was most concerning was that it was an older woman and a tween. They would be walking behind me while I was running.  Then when I would get to my walk portion they would run just past me, turn around, look at me, jab their elbows at each other, then smile and/or laugh. What kind of example is being set for the young girl with this woman?!!?

When I noticed this I almost started crying, turned around, and headed back to the start. I felt so defeated. I was being used as a benchmarker! These people were saying to themselves “As long as we can stay ahead of HER we are doing alright”. Let me tell you this made me feel like all the work I’ve done to be healthy was worthless. If people were still looking at me as somebody easily beaten what had I really accomplished? This is where my Mantra comes into the story. I am the storm! I started repeating this over and over. Something in my mind shifted. I was going to make this hard for them. I AM stronger than them. I AM stronger than I give myself credit for. Nothing can stop me. C25K be damned! I took off! I ran until I felt like my lead was big enough that I wouldn’t have to experience their mockery anymore! Then I ran a little more each time the app told me to stop running and start walking.  Needless to say I eventually lost sight of them and honestly don’t know where they finished in relation to me.

Please people if you are participating in a race don’t do this. A benchmark is okay. Looking back constantly and making someone feel inferior is not!

Needless to say I hit a PR. Best 5k time to date at 46:16. Only 20 seconds faster than my previous PR but I am only 2 weeks into C25K and did not run all winter. Based on this my time should improve greatly over the summer.

I just want to share how far I have come. Mostly because just like seeing things in photos makes it more real, Seeing things in writing also does.

5k Times

58:25 9/2014

51:02 10/2014

50:29 7/2016

46:36 8/2016

The first timed event I ever participated in was a 1 mile run. I don’t even know what my time was. I was so discouraged.

Today I finished 89 out of 113. This may not seem great but to me this is amazing! Thank you for helping me realize my potential mocking people! I really appreciate it!

BeFunky Collage

The time in this photo is not accurate. I didn’t stop my timer right away. I was chip timed so 46:16 was the official time.

It was a great event otherwise and I even won a gift card from the course (not for winning).

  1. If you want to know more about this great event let me know!

Today

Today I didn’t binge.  I’m not in bed so it could still happen. I resisted the urge several times today so hopefully if I hit a rough patch tonight I can resist. I almost binged today when I went to the grocery store. I had spent all day taking my mom to an appointment for her prosthesis. My baby Goobs was crazy all day. We went to the grocery store to pick things up for his sister’s birthday and he was even crazier yet! In my head I was battling over which junk food I would buy. Would I get Cadbury mini eggs, pb m&m’s, chips, popcorn, a diet coke? “What the heck, why not get them all?” Is what I thought. And then I remembered sitting down this morning and trying to figure out what triggers my binges. Stress, guilt, boredom, and anxiety are just what I could pinpoint from last night’s binge. I talked myself out of the junk food and instead I bought dole chocolate covered bananas. I had one, yes you read that right, one package of them when I got to the truck. I’m not cured but it’s a start. A tiny victory.

Hate

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself.

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself. I feel sick. The last 2 days of exercise was undone in 5 minutes. I find what I did revolting and yet I still do it. Everyday. For most of my life. There was a 2 year reprieve when something flipped and I was normal for a while. Whatever changed is gone and something is wrong with me again. My heart hurts. My stomach hurts. All I want to do is cry. Why can’t I be normal again? Why does food have such power over me? I don’t want to be like this.

Darkness.

This is my life.

Make it stop again.

I feel powerless.

All the hard work I put in to lose all this weight just feels like a waste.

This self hate is what I experience everyday. Binge eating is my disease.

 

Do yourself a favor…. a letter to myself

Dear Tamie,

Do yourself a favor. Please stop the mindless eating and meaningless stress in your life. You know you feel much better when you eat healthy, right?! When you take care of your body you feel energized, refreshed, and ready to take on the world! When you treat yourself like you have been by imbibing in chocolate, simple carbs, and soda you feel like a bag of garbage being dragged down the road. I think that this week long migraine you have had would make you see just what you are doing to your body! Yes, I will give you some credit. You have been relentlessly practicing Yoga which absolutely improves your mood and decrease stress but it isn’t enough to have only one area of your life on track. You need to nourish your mind, body, and spirit.

Be relentless Tamie! Don’t give up! Wasn’t it Love for yourself that got you this far!? Don’t let your 100 pound loss be in vain. Please I beg of you, Love yourself enough to treat yourself right! I hate seeing you this way. I hate that you feel bad. If you love yourself you can conquer the world! don’t lose sight of your goal. Find what motivates you again. Even if it is simply making every single choice based on LOVE.

Don’t get complacent my dear. Just because you feel 1,000 times better than you did 3 years ago doesn’t mean you can’t improve at all. You can always strive to do better, to be your best self. I know you. I am you. What motivated you came to fruition and now you feel like there isn’t more to work for. There are goals that you still want to accomplish. Let the love you feel for yourself motivate you enough to accomplish them. Walk a half marathon, complete a triathlon, and run a 5k in turnout gear. Let LOVE be your strongest motivator. Your effort thus far is not meaningless. You have come this far. Now fly to to the moon!

Love,

Yourself

Whilst writing this it reminded me of a previous blog post that I wrote about loving myself. I went back and read it again after I finished writing. If you are interested in reading it you can find it here.

life on the sea

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Meaningless

Unstuffed Peppers

I plan my meals out 2 weeks at a time. Last night stuffed peppers were on the menu. I had to take my Mom to an unexpected Doctor appointment so I didn’t have the time required to make traditional stuffed peppers. Instead I decided to make my peppers unstuffed! It was really good so I thought I would share with all of you!

1 lb ground beef

1lb ground turkey

1 cup uncooked quinoa (I used red)

6 peppers (I used red, yellow, and orange)

2 red onions

1 tablespoon minced garlic

2 stacks celery

2 tablespoons butter

1 can diced tomatoes

Seasonings: celery salt, sea salt, italian seasoning, paprika (season to taste) I used a hefty amount of celery salt and paprika.

  1. Cook quinoa according to package directions.
  2. While quinoa is cooking chop peppers, onions, and celery into large pieces.
  3. Melt butter in frying pan. Add peppers, onions, and celery. Fry until just softening. About 10 minutes.
  4. Add meat, garlic, and seasonings to pan with veggies. Brown meat.
  5. Once meat is brown add can of diced tomatoes ( juice and all) and already cooked quinoa.  Cook for 5 minutes or until most of the juice is absorbed.
  6.  Serve and enjoy!

IMG_20170306_183329_518

 

 

No CHOCOLATE Challenge

In the past when I wanted to do something I restricted myself. I would tell myself “No you can’t”. This obviously hasn’t been working for me. I’m deciding to try something new. Instead of restricting myself, I am challenging myself. The challenge is… how long can you go without chocolate? I’m testing my willpower to see how long I can resist chocolate. I’m on day 2 and going strong. Let’s see how long I can make it. Maybe testing my willpower is a better strategy. Fingers crossed that it is!

sara

Current Stats: reading “What you can, When you can”, Training for the Walk Wisconsin 1/2 marathon, planning my training for Waupaca Traithlon short course, weight 265, using nicotine patches, missing a friend, wishing I was home to enjoy the last day of beautiful weather, wishing my niece Amelia a happy 10th birthday, helping my Mom A LOT.