Benchmark

benchmark

noun

  1. A standard by which something can be measured or judged:
Read more at http://www.yourdictionary.com/benchmark#vcdiSLzL77R1AqqA.99

I ran my first race of the season. I almost quit because of someone’s actions. I have never had this feeling while running a race before. Normally I get smiles, waves, and encouragement. This time 2 people almost ruined for me something I love so much.

Let me give you the low down but first a disclaimer: I was in no way planning on winning this race. Anyway I was using my C25K app to run/walk my way through the 5k because let me be honest I am nowhere near ready to actually run a whole 5k. The race started out well. I was feeling really good. Then I noticed what was happening. I was being used as a benchmark. Which is okay. I get it. I’ve done it myself. I follow someone and know that I am doing well if I can keep pace with them. These 2 were not discrete at all and what was most concerning was that it was an older woman and a tween. They would be walking behind me while I was running.  Then when I would get to my walk portion they would run just past me, turn around, look at me, jab their elbows at each other, then smile and/or laugh. What kind of example is being set for the young girl with this woman?!!?

When I noticed this I almost started crying, turned around, and headed back to the start. I felt so defeated. I was being used as a benchmarker! These people were saying to themselves “As long as we can stay ahead of HER we are doing alright”. Let me tell you this made me feel like all the work I’ve done to be healthy was worthless. If people were still looking at me as somebody easily beaten what had I really accomplished? This is where my Mantra comes into the story. I am the storm! I started repeating this over and over. Something in my mind shifted. I was going to make this hard for them. I AM stronger than them. I AM stronger than I give myself credit for. Nothing can stop me. C25K be damned! I took off! I ran until I felt like my lead was big enough that I wouldn’t have to experience their mockery anymore! Then I ran a little more each time the app told me to stop running and start walking.  Needless to say I eventually lost sight of them and honestly don’t know where they finished in relation to me.

Please people if you are participating in a race don’t do this. A benchmark is okay. Looking back constantly and making someone feel inferior is not!

Needless to say I hit a PR. Best 5k time to date at 46:16. Only 20 seconds faster than my previous PR but I am only 2 weeks into C25K and did not run all winter. Based on this my time should improve greatly over the summer.

I just want to share how far I have come. Mostly because just like seeing things in photos makes it more real, Seeing things in writing also does.

5k Times

58:25 9/2014

51:02 10/2014

50:29 7/2016

46:36 8/2016

The first timed event I ever participated in was a 1 mile run. I don’t even know what my time was. I was so discouraged.

Today I finished 89 out of 113. This may not seem great but to me this is amazing! Thank you for helping me realize my potential mocking people! I really appreciate it!

BeFunky Collage

The time in this photo is not accurate. I didn’t stop my timer right away. I was chip timed so 46:16 was the official time.

It was a great event otherwise and I even won a gift card from the course (not for winning).

  1. If you want to know more about this great event let me know!

Do yourself a favor…. a letter to myself

Dear Tamie,

Do yourself a favor. Please stop the mindless eating and meaningless stress in your life. You know you feel much better when you eat healthy, right?! When you take care of your body you feel energized, refreshed, and ready to take on the world! When you treat yourself like you have been by imbibing in chocolate, simple carbs, and soda you feel like a bag of garbage being dragged down the road. I think that this week long migraine you have had would make you see just what you are doing to your body! Yes, I will give you some credit. You have been relentlessly practicing Yoga which absolutely improves your mood and decrease stress but it isn’t enough to have only one area of your life on track. You need to nourish your mind, body, and spirit.

Be relentless Tamie! Don’t give up! Wasn’t it Love for yourself that got you this far!? Don’t let your 100 pound loss be in vain. Please I beg of you, Love yourself enough to treat yourself right! I hate seeing you this way. I hate that you feel bad. If you love yourself you can conquer the world! don’t lose sight of your goal. Find what motivates you again. Even if it is simply making every single choice based on LOVE.

Don’t get complacent my dear. Just because you feel 1,000 times better than you did 3 years ago doesn’t mean you can’t improve at all. You can always strive to do better, to be your best self. I know you. I am you. What motivated you came to fruition and now you feel like there isn’t more to work for. There are goals that you still want to accomplish. Let the love you feel for yourself motivate you enough to accomplish them. Walk a half marathon, complete a triathlon, and run a 5k in turnout gear. Let LOVE be your strongest motivator. Your effort thus far is not meaningless. You have come this far. Now fly to to the moon!

Love,

Yourself

Whilst writing this it reminded me of a previous blog post that I wrote about loving myself. I went back and read it again after I finished writing. If you are interested in reading it you can find it here.

life on the sea

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Meaningless

Vivid and bright

Today I read something that really struck a cord with me. I’m currently reading”Strong looks better naked” by Khloe Kardashian. In her chapter about making the best of everything Khloe shares her Mantra “The soul becomes dyed with the color of our thoughts and I want to paint my soul in vivid and bright colors”.  I love this! I want my soul to be bright and vivid! If every choice I make is with positive thoughts and every action is out of love won’t that nurture my soul? If I do things that make me and everyone around myself happy will it not help my soul be bright and vivid? In a way I have been making small steps towards living this mantra without even knowing it!

I could feel my soul getting black and ugly. I was lashing out at people I care about. The weight of my responsibilities and obligations was getting to be too  much for me. I was not carving out time in this life to take care of myself. After being particularly nasty to my husband one day I realized that I needed to make a change. I started doing yoga. I don’t go to a studio or have an instructor. I simply watch YouTube videos at home. Performing this small act and taking some time for myself has done an incredible amount to lift my spirits. I feel alive and grounded. I don’t feel like a “firecracker with a short fuse” like I have been called in the past. I can’t speak for my husband but I don’t feel like I am releasing all of my stresses out on him anymore either.

I’m hoping my Yoga practice will hold me over until the weather warms and I can start my training outdoors. Once outside training starts I want to keep up my practice. I feel most connected to myself when doing Yoga. Maybe I will even graduate to leaving my home and doing Yoga in a studio someday! We will see….. I tend to be a little flighty like a bird. Bouncing from idea to idea.

“You cannot always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside” -Wayne Dyer

 

The soul becomes dyed with the color of our thoughts (3)

 

Current Stats: Reading 100 quiet moments, weight 266, trying to eat mostly paleo, doing yoga everyday, missing my boys, working too much.

Challenge

I made it 7 days with no chocolate. When I had chocolate it felt like a choice I made rather than an overwhelming need for it. Since then when I have chocolate it’s a choice. I’m not driven but some internal craving. I feel like this was a successful experiment. It feels great to be past this compulsion!

My next challenge to myself….”how many days in a row can you work out?”

Starting Tuesday I scheduled my workouts just like my job. It’s on my google calendar and everything. I’m going to experiment with what time of day works best for me. It will need to be a time of day that I am always home so early morning or late night.  After this week’s experiment I will know a time and stick to it as long as I can. Let’s see how long I can make it this time.

awaits

Current Stats: finished reading “Surfacing”, weight 268, baby Goobs and I are both sick, trying to quit smoking, very tired, working too much, spread pretty thing, feeling determined, wishing I had more time

You can read about my no chocolate challenge here

Master of Destruction

Children are Masters of Destruction. Let’s just start with the house destruction, belongings destruction, body destruction, and sleep destruction. You name it, they destroy it. My son may be a master of destruction but he is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. Because of this I am willing to overlook the fact that he threw another hairbrush of mine in the toilet this morning.

What’s harder to get past is the fact that before bed last night I decided that I was going to get up 30 minutes earlier than normal (which is well before he usually gets up) and do a 10 minute yoga video. That’s right folks all I wanted was 10 minutes. Ten minutes to wake up and get some movement in before I had to work. Anyone that knows me can tell you that I don’t get up earlier than I have to, but I decided that I can sacrifice a small and only a small amount of sleep to get myself closer to my goals. Last night I got my yoga mat set up, was wearing Pajamas I could do yoga in, and had my yoga video picked out. Getting myself set up to do this was  BIG accomplishment. Then at 5:50 this morning my child started to cry….. and BOOM my morning plan was out the window. Ten Minutes before my alarm was set to go off so that I could yoga my way into a great day.

You might ask….. “Well Tamie why didn’t you just do it anyway?”

And I might say…. “You don’t know my son.”

Any time I attempt to work out at home he will be on top of me in seconds. If i’m doing push ups he will lay under me and cry. Try to do Zumba or dance, he stands at my feet and cries. Yes I could hold him and do anything cardio but I definitely would not be able to do Yoga. Cardio right after I wake up is out of the question for me. I end up feeling all pukey and nobody likes to have that feeling first thing in the morning. I will forgive him for this of course and keep loving my crazy destructive baby Goobs.  All I can do is try again tomorrow.

P.S. Despite the exceptionally early wake up he was a very happy little boy this morning. Which makes this Mamma very happy.

Besides who could be mad at this face

20170208_103302

 

Ephesians 4:2  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

And no one was watching

Sometimes it takes doing something you’ve never done before to realize how far you’ve come.

Sometimes it takes doing something you’ve never done before to realize how far you’ve come.

Tonight while I was waiting for people to arrive at fit camp. I decided to get in a little extra work out myself because my little man was with Grandma and Grandpa. I started running laps around the gym and I was able to run 23 laps without stopping! I’ve never been able to do this even when I was in school. I was may be able to run one lap around the gym and then I had to stop.

I started tonight by just deciding I was going to run until people showed up. No one showed up so I just kept running! I think I can maybe run a mile without stopping, I’ve never done that before. Hopefully if the weather isn’t too awful my baby goobs and I can test that theory tomorrow. I will keep you all updated!

I’m really just so happy that I decided to workout tonight even when no one was there. For a brief moment I thought about picking up my baby and just going home and snuggling him. Then I told myself I needed to do it…. And I did!

Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Flavors, rest days, and the future

I just finished reading the memoir “It was me all along” By Andie Mitchell. It was a wonderful book. Reading about someone who has already experienced some of the things that I am was eye-opening. One of the things that the author wrote about was making food special and taking the time to really enjoy what you are eating. This has really stuck with me. I have realized that in the rush of life the speed in which I eat is crazy. I rush my meals at work because we are busy, at home I rush so that I can get back to what I was doing, and on school days I rush because I’m on the road. I want to start taking time to savor my meals, to really taste the flavors, and appreciate the food I make. This will give my body time to “fill” up. I don’t want to only see food as fuel for my body but I want to really experience my food. Time to slow down and love the food I choose.

On another note, finally after 10 days in a row of exercise took 2 rest days. I miss my physical activity and can’t wait until I can work out tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be leading some women in a workout. I’m so excited! This is what I want to do with my life (and being an RN)! I feel like things are lining up and falling in place. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me!