Hate

Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself.

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Today I hate myself. I loathe, despise, and abhor myself. I feel sick. The last 2 days of exercise was undone in 5 minutes. I find what I did revolting and yet I still do it. Everyday. For most of my life. There was a 2 year reprieve when something flipped and I was normal for a while. Whatever changed is gone and something is wrong with me again. My heart hurts. My stomach hurts. All I want to do is cry. Why can’t I be normal again? Why does food have such power over me? I don’t want to be like this.

Darkness.

This is my life.

Make it stop again.

I feel powerless.

All the hard work I put in to lose all this weight just feels like a waste.

This self hate is what I experience everyday. Binge eating is my disease.

 

5 thoughts on “Hate

  1. And Im bawling….you are so not alone. I dont know what is wrong with us but I am so sorry for your pain. Tomorrow is another day and you will be better for it! I believe in you and I know you believe in you too.

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  2. Oh Tamie, please don’t hate yourself! Just look back at how far you have come! One day or even a week or a month doesn’t undo all the good you have done.You had a bad day. it’s over, it’s done. Today is a new day. Eat well today. One day at a time. You have a beautiful son. You get out and enjoy life with walks with your son. Everyone has bumps in the road. What you do with that bump is what is important. Look back at what was going on in your life at the time that you binged. Write it down. Figure out what the trigger was. Get back on track. You are such an inspiration to so many people. You are not perfect. No one expects you to be. Forget yesterday, focus on today. You are a beautiful person!

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