Snuggles, Running, and Resentment

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This is my life and I love it but it does come with a price. See this picture…. Most mornings look like this. Lack of sleep from my almost one year old leaving me barely keeping my eyes open.

Before I became pregnant I worked out avidly. I also believed I couldn’t function on less than 8 hours of sleep. In a week it will be 1 year that my eyelids have not seen 8 hours of sleep. There was a brief period this summer where baby goobs slept well enough that I was able to muster the energy to get up and go run. That has passed along with the early morning sunlight. Now I’m once again struggling to get my runs in. People say if you want it bad enough you will make time to exercise. Sure and the house cleaning fairies will come and do my laundry, cooking, cleaning, and dishes. Haha, yea right. Sure I could exercise when he naps. This works about as well as the advice “sleep when baby sleeps”. I am a person when they know something needs to get done will not stop until it is done. So where does that leave a busy Momma? Not getting her workouts in. You know what? I’m not okay with this but I do need to come to terms with it. I also still need to figure out how to make it happen.

I love running, but I love running alone. With my husband now working a farming job (14 hour days) and me working full time plus I will be starting a part time job soon, alone time is hard to come by. This means running will just need to involve baby goobs. Sacrifices. Mom’s all over the world make sacrifices for their families so I can too. Running with baby will just mean those days I can run alone will be extra special and I will cherish them more.

For the sake of honesty and to let all you other Mom’s out there know it’s okay… Do I resent my lack of alone time? Yes. Would I change anything? No. I am incredibly blessed to have this amazing little boy in my life. There was a time I thought I would never have children. But I was set onto a path that allowed me to be healthy enough for my body to carry a child. Amazing. But I am allowed to be frustrated and mourn the loss of some things. I am NOT allowed to let that stop me or make me bitter.

I WILL run. Starting today. I will run with my son and maybe some day he will learn to love running too. Hartman’s creek is on the agenda today and it should be beautiful with the changing leaves.

Here I go. Today is a new day. A day for change and acceptance. No more slacking because I am fighting against myself. I will roll with it and make it happen.

 

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

 

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