This weekend was a rough weekend for me. My grandma passed away. I was very close to her. She wasn’t just my grandma she was my friend. For the past few months I was helping her out and visiting her while she was in the nursing home. I feel a little lost now that she isn’t around to visit with after work but her battle with cancer was a painful one and I’m glad she is no longer in pain.
Losing her has caused me to struggle a bit with my journey. Saturday night after she passed away I seriously wanted to eat WHOLE world. I had this hole that I wanted to stuff with food. I wanted to use food to stuff down the pain that I was feeling. I stayed within my calories that night and have continued to stay within my calories but that urge to ease my pain with food is incredibly strong.
The next morning I worked out harder than I ever have in my life. I’m using my pain to fuel me and not letting it consume me.
Now I’m more determined than ever to continue on this journey and do well. While my grandma was in the nursing home she told me how proud of me she was and to keep going because when I finally finish nursing school, being healthier will be a benefit to me. She noticed staff that were less fit had a harder time transferring her and she experienced more pain. She didn’t want me to hurt someone someday unintentionally just because of my fitness level.
I want nothing more than to succeed and make her proud. Overcoming this emotional eating urge will be tough but I will make it through and be stronger than I was.
“The pain you feel today becomes your strength tomorrow”